The Pirate Who Couldn’T Sail

There once was a pirate so feared, he never left land. Blade on his hip scars on his face Every outlaw knew his name and place Maps full of exes he never drew Story's twice as wild as they were true They said he fought ten men alone Turned whole fleets to drifting bones Kings would whisper when he passed by Cause he walked real confidently He's the terror of the shore Never stepped on it beforehand Most feared name from Doc to Ayle The pirate who couldn't sail He signed his name on a hundred bounties, drank for free in twenty counties. Every crew would beg him, come, he'd just say, yeah, maybe, um. Tried one time, stepped on a boat, turned pale green before it even broke float. One small wave, one tiny sway. He fed the fish all afternoon that day. He's the terror of the shore, hey Never sailed a day before, hey Talks like thunder, drinks like a whale But the man gets seasick pale They say he fought in storms so wild, that lightning feared him like a child. Truth is, he fought a dark rope once, and lost. Still the stories keep on growing tall How he sank ships without sailing at all How he cursed waves from solid ground And somehow ships just turned around Truth don't matter when the ale runs deep Legends grow when no one keeps track of what is real or not Just how loud the story goes He's the terror of the shore, hey Never stepped on deck before, hey Raise your glass and tell the tale Of the pirate who couldnt sail Still wouldn't step on that boat